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lyrics

OAF news. In the morning.

Good evening, folks, and sorry about the news jingle that has still not been changed, JEFF!, since we changed our program time, JEFF!, to 7 PM, JEFF!

(Crying) I miss Jeff. Let's have a moment of silence for our recently departed companion.

Thank you.
(Forcibly happy voice) Welcome to OAF, the only news broadcast that promises you the happiest news from the happiest anchors.

(Still happy) Our top story today, centers around a man in northwest Indiana that has strewn together some interesting crafts and has been mailing them all around the country.

(Still happy) Upon opening the envelopes, recipients were blown away quite literally. It appears there is a new unibomber in town! Authorities are curious as to why, after they have repeatedly urged citizens to be cautious when opening their mail, people continue to open the sketchy, unmarked envelopes. More on this and more of the news you love after a brief word from our sponsors.

(Commercial)
(Overexcited salesman voice) A new lottery?? Woooah.

Every house in America has a chance and there is no catch! Simply open any unmarked envelope that arrives at your house, no questions asked!

Do it. Do it. Do it! Do iiiit!

There is not a gun pointed at me right now!

credits

from Better To Have Never Loved At All, released September 9, 2017

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Konscience Merrillville, Indiana

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